![anger iceberg anger iceberg](https://mindfulme.me/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Anger-Iceberg-01.jpg)
What is underneath that anger that is building a fortress so it does not have to be experienced? Is it fear? We always start with fear. When I work with clients who experience anger regularly, we explore what is being protected by anger. In reality, I was often getting large and forceful. I thought I was not being heard and often felt small. I was not aware of how I affected others with my anger. I became safe for both people and the walls of my home! I noticed people stopped flinching when they offered feedback or questioned me about anything. Fortunately for everyone I came in contact with, the initial steps towards owning my anger was under way.
![anger iceberg anger iceberg](https://www.calmsage.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Anger-Iceberg.png)
That is when the shift began for me.įortunately for the walls in my home, I slowly started to take a step back and check to see what was I protecting underneath the anger. In the following weeks and months, every time I became angry, which was often, I would hear her in the back of my head whispering, “Michael, anger is a secondary emotion. You must feel another emotion first before you can experience anger.” Notice how the fear part was left out of my process? Eventually the part about fear made its way into my process as well. I’m pissed off, not scared!” Her words haunted me. The primary emotion is typically fear, sometimes sadness or pain.” Of course, I became even more angry when she said this! I remember thinking at the time, “ Fear, I am not scared of anything. You must feel another emotion first before you can experience anger. Many years ago, the psychologist who turned my life around once said to me something like this,”Michael, anger is a secondary emotion.